“Laying in bed sleep I was suddenly woken up at about 9 a.m. from an uncomfortable feeling of nausea. “What the hell is wrong with me” I thought to myself. Before I could process the thought there I was bent over my trash throwing my guts up. My head was pounding, I could taste all the junk food I ate the night before. Could It be be food poisoning? Am I sick? Maybe I have the stomach virus. I thought of a million reasons of why I could be so sick so suddenly. After puking my brains up I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and the whole time alls I could think about was why I felt like this. I was pasting back and forth trying to make sense of everything, the fatigue, mood swings, appetite and not to mention how emotional I was”.
Purpose: In this scene I am showing when I first realized there was something strange going on with my body. I thought I was sick and I was skeptical and anxious to know why I was feeling that way. I was beginning to experience mental, physical and emotional changes.
Telling:
Since I was a young child I struggled with a blood disorder and an unhealthy kidney. For that reason I spent a lot of time in the hospital getting blood transfusions and taking medication on a daily basis. I thought that maybe my condition had something to do with why I was feeling so sick. It felt a little similar to the usual things I’ve experienced in the past but not exactly. Something just felt different but I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I told my Mom and she suggested that I go see what was going on. I decided to make a doctors appointment to make sure everything was alright. My appointment was scheduled for January 31, 2014.
Purpose: In this telling scene I was intending to inform my readers about the struggles and obstacles that I have faced throughout my life. because I suspected the different changes in my body I decided to go get answers from my doctor so I scheduled an appointment.
Showing:
“Well I have the results from your blood and urine samples and I can certainly see why you’ve been feeling under the weather”. I frowned trying to prepare myself to hear the rest of what she had to say. “I know this is unexpected but you are 7 weeks pregnant. Its Like the words “7 weeks pregnant” just kept replaying in my head over and over and over again. She then explained to me that because of my medical history, if i decided to go through with the pregnancy that it would be considered as a high risk because she wasn’t sure if my body was strong enough to carry a baby full term. She then informed me that if I was going to terminate the pregnancy than I need to act on it asap and if I was going to go through with it then I need to get on prenatal vitamins and schedule an appointment for an early ultrasound. She left the room for a few minutes and i just sat there in a trans trying to get my thoughts together. Finally I made a decision that I knew would change my life. I was going to be someone’s mother.
Purpose: In this Showing scene I’m at my doctors appointment to find out why I’m not feeling so well. I was then informed that I was 7 weeks pregnant and that I needed to make a decision as soon as possible. She also told me that I may have high risks of complications if I tried to carry a baby full term. I decided that no matter what I was going to have my miracle baby.
Telling:
“I waited a couple weeks before I told my boyfriend and my family but when I did they were very supportive. My boyfriend assured me that he was going to stick by me. That was such a relief. It was nice having someone to talk to about everything I was feeling. Over time we grew more attached to the baby and it was that much more special because we were already truely in love so it made our connection even stronger.I was now in my 2nd trimester. My baby was now 14 weeks. I was excited but very stressed at the same time. I was struggling with trying to manage all these crazy changes in my body and still stay focused at school. It was hard but I was determined and I knew that I had my baby to motivate me because I needed to be a role model for him/her. A few more weeks and we would find out the gender of our baby and I would be showing”.
Purpose: In this telling scene I told my family and the father of my unborn child about th pregnancy. I was in my second trimester and we were all gettng used to the fact that i was going to have my first baby. I also explained how difficult it was to keep up with my priorities such as school but then I knew I could use my baby to motivate me even more. We we’re all excited about finding out if we we’re having a boy or girl.
Showing:
All of a sudden I felt horrible. I knew something was wrong.The abdominal pain was unbearable, I was shaking, lightheaded and so damn scared. Alls I could do was pray that my baby was okay. I got up and ran to the bathroom and noticed that I was bleeding non stop. It felt like menstrual cramps but 10 times worse. I instantly woke up my boyfriend and without hesitation he jumped up and ran outside to start the car. We were both so scared and it seemed like the closer we got to the hospital the more pain I was in. I was admitted to the ER immediately. The doctors gave me a sonogram right away. I was still praying repeatedly and squeezing my boyfriends hand. The doctor then gave me something for the pain and it helped. A few minutes later she informed me that my baby no longer had a heartbeat and at that very moment my heart broke. I felt like my world just fell apart in a matter of seconds. A little after that I was taken downstairs to get an ultrasound. Alls I could do was cry as the ultrasound technician took what seemed like a million pictures of my uterus where my baby was located. Shortly after she looked at me and said “Unfortunately it looks like you’ve had a spontaneous miscarriage, I’m so sorry for your loss”. I can’t help but wonder why this had to happen to me.
Purpose:
In the last showing scene I expressed the details about my tragedy. The pain and heartbreak I had to endure was overwhelming. I prayed and cried the entire time. When I lost my baby, I couldnt understand why it had to happen to me, to us.. I still wonder what my life would be like if I was able to carry my child, give birth and become a mother.